Being ready

I am not doing well on this journey so far. I am pretty sick this week with a bad cold, I also have been eating bad, obviously not working out. Seems like I take two steps forward and eight steps back. There have just been so many distractions.  My mind is not in the game. This really got me thinking back to the times that I did well, the times I ate well, the times I felt great. I had laser focus.  I was ready to take on the world. Today I am sitting here feeling defeated once again. I don't have the drive, I feel like it is going to take too long, be too hard. I am just not ready.  

Wait, ready for what ?

I am not sure I even know what I want to do or why I am doing it anymore. I have so many things that are going on right now personally. I have a photography business that I am struggling to find the time to re-start in North Carolina.  My children are young and need their dad to be a part of their lives. My wife needs me to be there to help out as well. Plus I have a full time job that has been more than stressful.  I am taking on too much, my brain can't possibly handle all of this. I have brain fog, I am tired, gaining more weight and just feel blah. 

What I need to do....

I think I need to put my photography on hold. I don't want to though. In the photography industry if you are not actively shooting, then you are not allowed to sit at the cool kids table. I know I sound like a dick saying that, but its my feelings. But I can't seem to dedicate the time I need to it right now. People say I am good photographer. So If it is meant to be, then it will be.  I need to get my life in order first.

I started this blog to keep myself accountable, I want to document my failures, my successes, when I am feeling like crap and what is keeping me up at night. Hopefully, people reading this can relate and understand that they are not alone.

I am not giving up.